Chapter 26
Written at 9:28 a.m. on 2004-11-23
CHAPTER 26
For the rest of my rehab, Joe and I became quite the couple. We would go shopping together in town and the locals would smile at us. We would go for walks and hold hands and talk about the future. At night, when we were done with the farming for the day, we would cook dinner and curl up together and watch TV for the rest of the night. It was the most normal relationship I had ever been in, and I loved it.
I did love it, but there was also that nagging voice inside my head that always kept my thoughts on returning to Moonfire to finish what we started. I got a call from Claudia saying that they were on hiatus for now because they were waiting for me to get back to touring. I didn�t call her back because I was still thinking about it. I never told Joe about my ache to return to the heavy metal world, because I knew he wouldn�t approve.
After dinner one cold and rainy November night, we were watching Headbangers Ball on MTV and I was trying not to drool too much.
�Aren�t you glad you�re out of that world?� Joe asked. I knew he was getting a little nervous at how interested I was in the videos.
�I don�t know� maybe I miss it,� I said carefully. I wanted to hear his reaction.
He sighed.
�You know you can�t go back there, right? You�re just going to go back to your old patterns, Olivia. I almost know that for a fact. Maybe for a little while you�ll be okay, but then you�re going to get that itch again.�
I knew he was right, but that didn�t make it any less appealing.
�So what do you think I should do when the six months is over? Do you want me to stay here and milk the cows and ride horses with you or something?�
He smiled.
�As a matter of fact, yes I do. Don�t give me that look, dear. I�ve been thinking about this a lot. I think you should permanently move here. Maybe you could write a book about your life on the road or something! Maybe you could be a freelance writer. Or maybe you could find a nice job in town!�
I wanted to protest, but the look on his face was one of pure excitement.
�What are you saying, exactly?�
He grinned. There was something behind that grin that scared me. To prove this, he got down on one knee and produced the most perfect looking ring I�ve ever seen.
�I want you to marry me, Olivia Rose. I know, it�s all so fast, but we�re both getting older. I know what I want, and it�s you. I also know that you�re a little scared of living out here for the rest of your life, but Olivia, I promise you that I�ll spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy here.�
It was the most romantic gesture of my life. How could I say no?�
�Of course I�ll marry you, Joey. Of course I will.�
And for a few months, my life was perfect. When I first got to this godforsaken East Texas town, I couldn�t wait to get out. I couldn�t stand it. I couldn�t stand Joe. And now I couldn�t bear to leave.
On my six month anniversary in East Texas, my parents and brothers came in to celebrate. They didn�t seem so shocked when they found out about me and Joe. They were all happy about it, in fact.
My dad beamed when he saw us together. Joe gave him a huge hug and said, �Thank you for saving my life, Mr. Rose. Thank you for bringing me here so that I could meet my soul mate. Thank you for believing in me when nobody else did. I owe everything to you.�
This made us all cry a little. We had a huge dinner in celebration of our engagement and my rehab, and everyone was happy.
Well, I tried to be happy, you know I did. But a simple fact about me is that I can�t be happy with what I have. I�m always looking forward to see what else there is for me out there. I will never be completely satisfied, and I knew that. I hoped Joe knew that, but as I looked at him sitting at the dinner table, so incredibly happy to meet someone like me, someone who loved him truly and completely, I knew he didn�t know that about me. I knew he expected me to give everything up to live with him forever. It did have its appeal, but I knew something would eventually happen and the other shoe would drop. I didn�t tell him this, though. I didn�t have the heart.
It turned out that I didn�t have to wait long for the other shoe to drop.
On New Years Eve of 1991, when the world was celebrating a new era of music and pop culture, I was in town picking up some items for me and Joe�s first New Years Eve together. Margie, the cashier, was always happy to see me.
�How are you guys doing up there in that big farm house of yours?� She asked while checking me out.
�We�re fabulous, Margie. We couldn�t be any better.�
She smiled happily.
�That�s so wonderful, sweetie. Joey is such a nice guy. We�re all so happy for you!�
�I�m happy for us too!�
She suddenly stopped checking me out to look me square in the eye.
�Don�t break his heart, Olivia. He�s a good guy. He doesn�t deserve that.�
�I�m not� I�m not counting on it,� I said. But I was wrong. Of course I was counting on it. I didn�t want to, but I knew it was eventually going to happen.
On my way out, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I shifted my groceries and looked behind me, expecting Margie to be standing there, wanting to give me more advice.
Instead, I found myself staring into the deep blue eyes of Gabriel.
�Gabriel? What�?�
�Can we� go somewhere?�
I nodded, speechless.
We both got in his car, an old pick-up truck.
�I didn�t want to be too conspicuous out here,� he said, to explain the truck. I just nodded.
He drove off to some unknown destination. I didn�t tell him where to go. I was still too stunned to say anything.
�I guess you�re kinda wondering why I�m here,� he said, looking at me closely.
�Just a bit,� I said, still shocked.
�Okay, look. I�m going to tell you the truth, okay? Just hear me out.�
I nodded.
�I know you�ve seen that our little heavy metal culture is taking a beating. We�re just not selling records anymore. I mean� Pistol Whipped is. We created a formula, and it�s not going away. But the rest of the bands are falling fast.�
I nodded again, not sure where he was going with this.
�Okay, so here�s the deal. Olivia, the heavy metal world needs you. We always have needed you. My guitar player just quit so he could spend more time with his family, and well� the only logical replacement is you. I want you to be a part of my band. You have what it takes to really make us good. You have a certain style that really represents what we want, you know?�
This was a little too much for me.
�Is that really why you�re here?�
He was silent for a moment, hesitating.
�I heard on the news that you were staying here for longer than the required six months because you were engaged or something. Is that true?�
�Yes, it is. I�m very happy here.�
�Wow. That�s amazing.�
We didn�t say anything.
After a few minutes of awkward silence, I said, �What about Moonfire?�
He shook his head.
�They broke up, Liv. You were the driving force behind that band, and they couldn�t do it without you.�
�I thought they were on hiatus?�
�Nah. They said that for a while, but everyone are in new bands now. Claudia started her own alternative band in Seattle.�
�I don�t think I can do it,� I blurted out.
He sighed.
�We need you, Liv. We need you in this band.�
I stared at him coldly.
�Why would I want to do that to myself, Gabriel? You dumped me. You have a new life now. You didn�t even visit me in the hospital! Why would I want to do anything for you?�
For a minute, I could see the obvious shame in his eyes. It felt nice to know that he had regrets.
�I�m sorry about that. I really am. I didn�t know how to deal with it. Christy was pretty adamant about me not seeing you, and I was in so deep with wanting to keep her around at the time that I just did what she said. I know, it was wrong, but Liv� I love you. You know I do.�
I shook my head.
�Don�t tell me that! You love Christy and your kids! I�m an afterthought. I was the little girl you kept around for a few years until something better came along! You never really and truly believed in me!�
�I do love Christy, that is true. I love her. I love the life we have together. But I will always love you and the spirit you have. You�re wasting your talent out here, Liv! Don�t you want to come back?�
�I don�t know. I have to think about it.�
A little while later, he dropped me back off at my car. I had to throw away the groceries I bought earlier because they either melted or spoiled, and I had to go buy the same things again.
Unfortunately, this is where the story ends for me. I went home and spent a comfortable New Years Eve with Joe, but that was not the end of our story. I wish I could say I did the right thing, but we all know that�s not how I do things. I wish I could say I made it through intact, but that would just be a little too optimistic. I wish I could say I took every advantage of the love that I received from the world, but things just don�t happen like that for me.
I made a lot of mistakes in my life, and karma always paid me back for them. When I found Joe, I thought karma was finally paying me back in spades. But I always had that itch, and it was never going to be scratched, no matter how hard I tried.
Optimist or not, you have to know how this story ends for me. I don�t surprise, and I don�t disappoint.
THE END
